Many of the men among Jacob’s people were guilty of justifying infidelity using the scriptures, specifically the accounts of David and Solomon having “many wives and concubines” (Jacob 1:15; see also Jacob 2:23-24). That was the visible problem, but what was its root cause? It was a lack of empathy, a lack of sensitivity to the feelings of their wives and children. Therefore, Jacob sets out in his sermon not only to call out their inappropriate behavior and debunk their justifications but more importantly, to attune their hearts to the impact of their thoughts, words, and actions on their loved ones.
Jacob begins by modeling empathy. He is sorry, he tells them, to share such a blunt message with them in the presence of their wives and children, “many of whose feelings are exceedingly tender and chaste and delicate before God, which thing is pleasing unto God” (Jacob 2:7). He characterizes his own words as “daggers” which will “pierce their souls and wound their delicate minds” (Jacob 2:9). He must deliver this sermon because God has commanded him to do so, but he is painfully aware of the impact of his words on those who are already wounded.
Fast forward to his rebuttal of their justification for sexual immorality. David and Solomon were wrong to have many wives and concubines, he explains. But more importantly, the husbands and fathers among his people had either failed to notice or were ignoring the pain their actions were causing to their own families.
I, the Lord, have seen the sorrow, and heard the mourning of the daughters of my people in the land of Jerusalem, yea, and in all the lands of my people, because of the wickedness and abominations of their husbands.
And I will not suffer, saith the Lord of Hosts, that the cries of the fair daughters of this people, which I have led out of the land of Jerusalem, shall come up unto me against the men of my people, saith the Lord of Hosts.
For they shall not lead away captive the daughters of my people because of their tenderness, save I shall visit them with a sore curse, even unto destruction; for they shall not commit whoredoms, like unto them of old, saith the Lord of Hosts.
Jacob 2:31-33
Jacob included the harm to their children as well: “Ye have broken the hearts of your tender wives, and lost the confidence of your children…and the sobbings of their hearts ascend up to God against you” (Jacob 2:35).
President Russell M. Nelson referenced this passage before delivering the following counsel to the men of the Church:
Your first and foremost duty as a bearer of the priesthood is to love and care for your wife. Become one with her. Be her partner. Make it easy for her to want to be yours. No other interest in life should take priority over building an eternal relationship with her. Nothing on TV, a mobile device, or a computer is more important than her well-being. Take an inventory of how you spend your time and where you devote your energy. That will tell you where your heart is. Pray to have your heart attuned to your wife’s heart. Seek to bring her joy. Seek her counsel, and listen. Her input will improve your output.
If you have a need to repent because of the way you have treated the women closest to you, begin now.
“We Can Do Better and Be Better,” General Conference, April 2019
Today, I will pay attention to the impact of my words and actions on my wife and on my children. I will remember Jacob’s awareness of the tender feelings and delicate minds of the women and children around him, and I will strive to think, act, and speak in a way that builds unity and joy.
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