All relationships need boundaries. Some behaviors simply cannot be tolerated. Establishing and enforcing boundaries does not lessen your love, but it can keep you and others safe.
When Alma established the church at the waters of Mormon, he did not need to worry about the boundaries of appropriate behavior for church members. Everyone was there because they wanted to be part of this new church. In fact, they had chosen to be there at great personal peril. They were all in, and they were unified in purpose. (See Mosiah 18.)
But after migrating to the land of Zarahemla, Alma faced the challenges associated with scaling an organization. King Mosiah asked him to establish churches throughout the land, following the model of the church he had previously established. (See Mosiah 25:19-24.) In this expanded organization, he was unable to provide the same kind of personalized leadership, and members varied in their commitment to the organization and its mission.
Some church members even urged others to sin, prompting complaints and requests for Alma to do something. (See Mosiah 26:1-7.) He really struggled with this. His spirit was troubled, and he prayed for guidance, fearing “that he should do wrong in the sight of God” (Mosiah 26:10-13).
The Lord’s guidance was simple. Work with the offenders one by one. Explain what they have done wrong. If they are willing to repent and change, they are still part of the church. If they refuse to repent and follow the Savior, they are no longer part of His church. Why? Because His church consists of His sheep: the people willing to follow His voice. (See Mosiah 26:21-32.)
Foundational to this guidance is an understanding of forgiveness — God’s willingness to forgive and His expectation that we forgive one another:
As often as my people repent will I forgive them their trespasses against me.
And ye shall also forgive one another your trespasses; for verily I say unto you, he that forgiveth not his neighbor’s trespasses when he says that he repents, the same hath brought himself under condemnation.
Mosiah 26:30-31
In September 1831, the Lord gave similar guidance to church leaders in Kirtland, Ohio. “He that forgiveth not his brother his trespasses standeth condemned before the Lord,” He warned, but then added, “Him that repenteth not of his sins, and confesseth them not, ye shall bring before the church, and do with him as the scripture saith unto you, either by commandment or by revelation” (Doctrine and Covenants 64:9, 12).
Some behaviors simply cannot be permitted within the Lord’s church. People who persist in those behaviors and refuse to change can’t be reasonably considered to be part of the organization. But the Lord was quick to add that He was not advocating shunning, embarrassing, or treating these former church members with disrespect:
This ye shall do that God may be glorified—not because ye forgive not, having not compassion, but that ye may be justified in the eyes of the law, that ye may not offend him who is your lawgiver.
Doctrine and Covenants 64:13
This might seem like a difficult combination: managing behavioral boundaries while continuing to love and forgive. But this challenge is not limited to church government. We all do this at some level in our personal relationships.
President Russell M. Nelson has given us the following counsel:
Forgiving others does not mean condoning sinful or criminal behavior. And it certainly does not mean staying in abusive situations.
But, when we choose to forgive others, we allow the Lord to remove the poison from our souls. We permit Him to soothe and soften our hearts, so we can see others, especially those who have wronged us, as children of God, and as our brothers and sisters.
“In new video, President Russell M. Nelson encourages forgiveness on Palm Sunday,” Church News, 2 April 2023
Today, I will follow the Lord’s guidance by forgiving others. I will remember that forgiveness involves seeing others as children of God and treating them accordingly, even as I establish and maintain healthy boundaries in my relationships.
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