Admonishing and Being Admonished

The Lord’s instruction to Alma when he asked what to do about rebellious church members was simple:

1. If a church member sins and then sincerely repents, God will forgive them.
2. If a church member sins and refuses to repent, they should no longer be “numbered among [God’s] people” (Mosiah 26:29-32).

So it’s not surprising that after Alma received this instruction, he and his fellow church leaders, as they worked to “regulate all the affairs of the church,” provided corrective feedback to one another:

They did admonish their brethren; and they were also admonished, every one by the word of God, according to his sins, or to the sins which he had committed,

Mosiah 26:39

It might seem strange that imperfect mortals should correct one another, but that is the way that the church works. As Paul assured church members in Rome, “Ye also are full of goodness, filled with all knowledge, able also to admonish one another” (Romans 15:14).

The Greek word for admonish, noutheteo (νουθετέω), means literally to place a mind, while the word for repent, metanoeo (μετανοέω), means to change a mind. Only we can change our minds. No one else can do that for us. But we can place one another’s minds by providing guidance and instruction, helping them to visualize and understand how they can change.

I don’t enjoy providing corrective feedback, particularly when I have doubts about how well it will be received. I’ve tried to improve my style over the years, anticipating people’s reactions, giving them warning that what I’m about to say will be hard to hear, and keeping the feedback brief and clear, but I still don’t enjoy it.

But if I’m honest with myself, receiving corrective feedback is harder than giving it. I’ve learned by experience that my instinctive response to criticism is unproductive. My brain naturally kicks into overdrive, defending my behavior, attacking my critics, explaining away inconvenient facts, and generally persuading me that I’m not the one who needs to change.

If I can bite my tongue and give the feedback a fair chance, I generally find that there is something I can change, regardless of whether the criticism is fair or whether it was delivered in the most tactful manner.

I think that is our obligation as disciples of Christ. As the Lord reminded Alma, we were “baptized unto repentance” (Mosiah 26:22). That was the commitment we made when we chose to be baptized: to be repentant people, to be willing to change.

Today, I will strive to be a better admonisher and a better admonishee. When I can provide guidance and advice, I will do so respectfully and with compassion. When I receive guidance, I will give it a chance and think about the changes I can choose to make as a result of what I’ve learned.