How do we respond when someone disappoints us?
During the most important events of His life, the people closest to Jesus repeatedly failed to support Him. Peter, James, and John, the three apostles who had stood with Him on the Mount of Transfiguration, fell asleep not once but three times while He endured unimaginable suffering. (See Matthew 26:40-45, Mark 14:37-41, Luke 22:45-46.) Shortly after, as He was betrayed and arrested, “all the disciples forsook him, and fled” (Matthew 26:56, Mark 14:50). And then, during His trial, as Jesus had foretold, Peter three times denied that he even knew Him. (See Matthew 26:69-75, Mark 14:66-72, Luke 22:56-62, John 18:17, 25-27.)
Jesus acknowledged that their actions fell short of His expectations. “What, could ye not watch with me one hour?” He asked Peter when they fell asleep. But He also acknowledged their desire to do more than they were capable of. “The spirit indeed is willing,” He said, “but the flesh is weak” (Matthew 22:40, Mark 14:38).
Elder Jeffrey R. Holland has observed that, as we coach and train young people, we tend to “underestimate their ability and overestimate their experience” (quoted in Aaronic Priesthood Quorum Camp Guide, “Principles—What“). In the same way, we may have a tendency to underestimate people’s motives when their behavior falls short of our expectations. We might benefit from seeing beyond their immediate poor performance to recognize whom they want to be and whom they are becoming.
There’s an old saying: “The road to hell is paved with good intentions.” I recognize that this sentiment has its place, when we want to do something good but just need to get moving and convert our desire into action. But in light of the Savior’s words to Peter, I think it may be useful to convert that saying into more positive terms: “The road to heaven begins with good intentions.” After all, the Savior declared, “I, the Lord, will judge all men according to their works, according to the desire of their hearts” (Doctrine and Covenants 137:9, italics added). And Alma acknowledged this same principle as he dealt with the discouragement of having so many people reject his invitations: ““I know that [God] granteth unto men according to their desire, … I know that he allotteth unto men … according to their wills” (Alma 29:4).
Of course, this is not an excuse for making no effort. We do need to convert our good desires into action. But when people disappoint us, and even when we disappoint ourselves, it can be more productive to focus on the positive—what they want and hope to be able to do—instead of on their immediate shortcomings and deficiencies. After all, those sincere desires are the best indicator of where they are headed in the long run.
Today, I will be kind and patient. Like the Savior, I will set high expectations and I will be grateful for the efforts and desires of other people, even when they fall short of those expectations.