6 And now, I, Moroni, would speak somewhat concerning these things; I would show unto the world that faith is things which are hoped for and not seen; wherefore, dispute not because ye see not, for ye receive no witness until after the trial of your faith.
Moroni teaches us a fundamental principle in this chapter: as disciples of Jesus Christ, we must trust Him. We must make decisions and move forward, doing what we believe is right even when we don’t know the full context. Answers and evidence will come to us as we move along the path, not necessarily before.
Moroni then gives a number of examples of people who experienced miracles because they acted in faith: Alma and Amulek, Nephi and Lehi, Ammon and his brethren. In each case, he points out that the faith came first, and the miracle followed.
The message for us is clear: don’t wait until you have all the answers before taking action. Move forward, placing your confidence in the Lord. Miracles will follow as you exercise faith in Him.
Today, I will “press forward” (2 Nephi 31:20), particularly when the outcome is uncertain. I will trust that clarity and resolution will follow when I act in faith.
All right, I’ll give that one a go:
I served a mission 2002–2004. It was the deepest chasm of hell in my life until its end, but I endured through the whole of it. I got a BA at BYU, then worked for that field for the church for 3.5 years in the deeper depths of hell; living paycheck to paycheck to save on one day being to afford a house without going into debt. Eventually I used some of that money to stop working for the church and take a stipend in grad school. Got an MA in the same field, and took a job at a struggling company.
Several years later, suffered an accident trying to finish what needed to be done so that my wife could had to be done so that she could follow a revelation she felt had been received at the temple. Fell about a story and a half, shattered about half my skull causing arachnoid mater hematoma. This killed about a quarter of the gray matter in my brain. Neurons that are not part of the hippocampus are not replaced by neurogenesis. When they are gone, they are gone forever.
It’s been a year and a half since then. I have built back the capacity to speak, to write, to maintain a job. It’s not the job I had before this; I can’t do that one anymore. I have had to learn entirely new process in my brain to cope with deep, deep depression, changing mental landscape, hallucination, and an entirely different job. This must be done to continue paying for life, including my wife’s life, and the 5 kids’ lives. Yeah; 5 kids. Wife had to fight me pretty hard to get past 2. I had to learn entirely different things, assuming faith counted as my being willing to do that despite monetary difficulties, emotional hardship, and stewardship over helping those in need around me to follow counsel from my patriarchal blessing.
My wife feels I am too hard to live with now. I don’t share an abode with her and the children. I live with my parents, still doing my job every day. Life does not get better; I have to keep feeding and housing my family by working in a job I will probably lose because my capacity to do it and most other things has been stripped away.
Endure to the end? Is that what you’ll strap on this? Endure to my ass would be my response. If the trial of one’s faith no longer ends until after one’s capacity has been removed, until after free agency and free thought have been consumed by the ravenous maw or the horrendous hell-beast that apparently is the hell-beast god of the LDS team.. that would explain why Utah is the Multi-level Marketting capital of the world, where snake oil-selling hucksterism prevails.
I’m very sorry to hear about your experiences. I can’t say that I would feel differently from you if I were in your shoes. I do hope that you will be able to find some peace and happiness in spite of the tragedies which you have experienced.
You’ve been through more than most of us will go through. I am sorry that’s been your lot in life. We were never promised life would be a breeze, even when we are obedient. Remember the story of Job? Lost his family, his health, and then his “friends” had the audacity to tell him his trials were his fault–that he must have offended God. We often can’t control what happens to us. We can only control how we react to it.
That is often easier said than done. Being in the medical field, it sounds to me as though counseling and/or anti-depressants may be useful. If you’ve tried them and they haven’t helped, ask your Dr about alternative meds and seek a different counselor to whom you can relate to and open up with. A psychiatrist specializes in mental health meds so is far better suited to treat your depression and anger than your PCP is. Your mental being needs just as much care as your physical one does. Feeling depressed often has physical ailments associated with it and vice versa. There’s no shame in taking care of ALL of you.
Your spiritual being is also an important part of who you are. Take care of it too! Surround yourself with upbeat people who will love and support all your struggles–physical, mental, and spiritual. Others in your life have no doubt been impacted to a smaller degree than you have but give them some grace as they also try to figure out their new “normal” since the accident.
Remember Jesus has felt all human emotions and can succor you if/when you are ready to admit you need Him.
On a side note, I was impressed with how well you articulate yourself. You’ve come a long way to overcome the brain trauma you suffered. You got this. I’m betting you’ll be successful at finding what makes you happy again. Best wishes.